I started writing a journal a few months ago about all the drama, anxiety and stress that comes with trying to get pregnant. My plan is to post some previous journal entries so that the journey will be documented in chronological order. I use the word journey; but that it just another way my mind tries to pretend that this whole infertility thing is a positive thing and something that I want to grow from. F-that. Sorry, my goal was to not swear, but occasionally a swear word is all that's called for. So, I'll amend my goal and say that I hope to not swear to often. Although, this has been a growing experience for us, it was not the type of growing we were looking to have.
I've read a lot of the infertility blogs and although many of them are great. Many of the blogs don't focus on the strain that infertility puts on a relationship. I get mixed emotions when read other infertility blogs, while reading more current posts you find that they have indeed conceived and are now sharing their lovely mini-me’s. It's frustrating because there are times when you just want to read a blog about someone going through something similar to you or maybe even having a worse time of it. I realize that might make me sound like a jerk, but until you've dealt with infertility you have no idea about the varying range of emotions, feelings and attitudes you go through. I'd like to blame the hormone medication, but it is what it is. Sometimes as humans, it's easier to compare ourselves to someone less fortunate for whatever the reason. Good and positive things can come from this comparison, like volunteerism and charity. The other emotional reactions I get are of course happiness and hope. It's good to be reminded that all these other women who were dealing with such an unfortunate and stressful situation have had a happy ending. Even if it’s sans reality, believing in fairy tales and happy endings has its uses.
A little background...my husband and I have been together since 2004, got married in 2008 and have been trying to help each other make it through each day ever since. We've always had a solid relationship. As you watch relationships and marriages crumble around you, it's nice to take a deep breath every once in a while and be thankful that we're still together. Overall, we are very thankful for all that we have. I can't complain, but I will, because let's face it, isn't that sorta what blogs are for? My husband and I both stay very busy. When not working at our full-time jobs, or in my husband's case working as a first year attorney, which means more than full-time, we try to spend as much time together as we can. I am currently working on the fourth class of my Doctorate in Education program. With two electives down and one core class finished, I'm actually looking forward to the holidays to have a break. In addition to working at my job and working to get my Doctorate, I also do yoga and Pilates twice a week, volunteer and do some consulting on the side. When-if I ever get some time at home I like to catch up on the T.V. shows I've missed. I also like to read, cook and do crafty things. My husband has recently almost converted me to a video game player. We’ve had Rockband for a while now and are getting pretty good at it. We also recently got the Kinect and have been having fun with that.
My goal for this blog is nothing heroic, just a place where I can collect my thoughts and maybe help someone else out on this lovely journey. I in no way claim to be an infertility expert, nor do I ever wish to be. I just hope that this blog helps to alleviate some of the stress of this heart wrenching process. Hopefully, someone can find a connection to what I’m going through or can offer new insight.
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